{*To Me*}

(image from pomadour24 on ebay/etsy)

I just bought myself a little Christmas gift! I purchased the Jan. 2009 issue of Cotton Time magazine! I bought mine from pomadour24 on ebay but its also on sale on etsy!  I'm really really excited to get this. If I enjoy it, I might subscribe! Wouldn't that be fantastic once a month?! I love love love inspirational magazines and they are so much more wonderful when they are Japanese! Besides, after today, I deserve a little something-something!

Today I officially took a leave of absence from Humboldt State. I haven't been attending classes since before Halloween. I learned that I'm a "gut feeler", meaning any stress goes straight to my stomach. I have ulcerative colitis now, but since I've stopped attending school, I haven't had.a.single.flare. Which is amazing!! Partly it's because I have more time to cook and I've been cooking nightly, also it's because I can focus on relaxing at home, on my own schedule. I went to school today and filed the paperwork. I spoke with a super nice gentleman at the AIR center, who suggested I take a leave of absence rather than un-enroll completely because I have a great GPA and I was...one semester away from graduation. I know it's crazy to drop out of school with one semester left, but honestly? Enough was enough. I needed time off to work on my business and my own personal happiness. I'm about this-close to a double BA in art history/art studio. But there really is no time limit on education, I can go back next year or when I'm 65. Whatever works.

I honestly would much rather wait until Mr. McPorkchop is done with school and is settled into a job, then I can pick a school in whatever city is close to where he is working and go from there. Ideally I'd prefer to study some sort of craft or utilitarian area. I like the idea so much more of learning to create more useful things. Don't get me wrong, I love fine art and all that goes in it, but a long time ago I wanted to go to grad school and yada yada yada and now...not so much. At all. So! Time off to decide what I really want, without incurring student loan debt!

I needed a little time off from blogging, sewing and email this past week to gather my thoughts.

Last Christmas Day my amazing step father, Wes, passed away in his sleep of a massive heart attack. It absolutely broke my moms heart and my own. My way of grieving was to stay as busy as possible. Clearly, by the state of my stomach, that backfired. I'm just simply not ready to celebrate Christmas yet! I'm not ready to re-live one of the most awful times in my life. My grandfather had passed away 7 months exactly before Wes did, so in two years, my mom and I have lost our family. Her partner and both her parents. It's just too much. I tried to stay busy with school and helping her and instead, I just sort of shoved everything into the deepest, darkest spots of my stomach and it's just hanging out in there. Which isn't healthy. So this holiday my mom is going to spend some time with Wes's sister, I'm going to go up to the mountains and snow with Mr. McPorkchop and his dad ride quads, take photos and target shoot. Then we'll visit the rest of the Porkchop family and go up to my moms and have a New Years Eve get together with her!!!

I really want to do something fantastic in Wes's memory. I have a few ideas and once they come together, I'm going to post them. I already have a tattoo, but I want to do something bigger, better and to help others in his name...

One thing I'm proud of lately? Not allowing hurtful people into my life and not letting myself get bent out of shape by wacky people. Normally I'm *too nice*, I'm a bit of a people pleaser. But I've removed myself from some really passive aggressive people in the past month or so and I feel so.much.better! I learned the joys of the "filter to spam" on gmail and the the ability to walk away! Yay for putting New Year's Resolutions in affect early!

January's Real Simple Magazine had this awesome article called "What is on your not-to-do list in 2009", this one gal wrote in and said:

"I'm going to stop being a "people pleaser". My goal is to still be good to people, but only to the extent that it is healthy and comfortable for me, and to realize that I can never make everyone happy. They are responsible for their own happiness, just as I am responsible for mine."- Leisa Smyly, Barnwell, SC

That is seriously *so* perfectly said! So thats my goal of 2009! I want to surround myself in 2009 with more positive, crafty, like minded people! I want to do more trades! I want to draw more! Take more photos! Do something creative and satisfying everyday! I want to mentally give myself the space to say no! I want to realize that not everyone is going to like me and vice versa instead of pretending!

What is on your "not to do" in 2009 list?!

Phew! That's a lot! :)

SO!

We are leaving tomorrow! I can't believe how fast this week has flown. I'm still cough-y/sneezy, but the cold and dry Valley air I'm sure will help things move along! I think we are almost 100% packed! I cut out half a birdie sling for my BFF's christmas gift. I won't finish it in time, but I'll give it to her later or mail it. We have boxes and rubbermaids every where, its too chaotic to sew!!! I ended up going with Anna Maria Horner "Garden Party", two different prints, lined with organic cotton/linen. I'm hoping to embroider on it her nickname. I know she'll really love it, I just wish I could get it done in time, but I can't rush because when I rush...bad things happen!!!

I'm bringing my machine to a Pfaff dealer tomorrow, so thats very, very, very exciting! I'm hoping its something really simple. I know at Mr. McPorkchops dads we have packages waiting! I got a text saying "You got a package from a fabricworm today" which totally cracked me up. I did learn that because of snow some malabrigo that I ordered from eBay will be delayed, but thats ok, I'm sure Mr. McPorkchop won't mind if his birthday hat is late! His birthday is SUNDAY!!!!! AND!! Two of the sewing patterns I ordered shipped! So so so exciting! I even finished my hat! I'll take some photos of it later :)

SO!
4 weeks with limited internet! I'll be checking email here and there from Starbucks so if you don't hear from me as often, it's because of that!

Have a fantastic holiday week!!!!!!

See you soon!!!